"He's what is known in some schools as a fucking lazy thick n****r". Big Ron goes big fat wrong and, like Chelsea, appears to have said bye bye to the Champions League (as well as ITV Sport).

"Express owner Richard Desmond today launched an extraordinary tirade against Telegraph bosses at a meeting of their joint venture print works, hurling a string of abuse and goosestepping around a boardroom in mockery of a German newspaper group's bid for the paper. In scenes that will shock the Conservative party he has just pledged to support, Mr Desmond branded the Telegraph chief executive, Jeremy Deedes, a "miserable little piece of shit" and said Germans were "all Nazis"".

Blimey, it's a rum lark innit?